{"id":49438,"date":"2021-01-22T18:49:44","date_gmt":"2021-01-22T17:49:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/?p=49438"},"modified":"2021-02-01T19:13:11","modified_gmt":"2021-02-01T18:13:11","slug":"the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/2021\/01\/22\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\/","title":{"rendered":"The emotional journey of the covid vaccine recipient"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mary Higgins reflects on how it feels to receive the covid-19 vaccination<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Vaccines are being developed:<\/b> Slightly <\/span>removed<\/span><\/i>: it is great that the scientists are working on this, but I have three new versions of policies and guidelines to read, a clinic to run, people to care for, and I miss my family. <\/span>Lonely:<\/span><\/i> it makes logical sense to be separated from them as I am the risk factor for them, but I miss them. Low grade and constant <\/span>anxiety <\/span><\/i>as a front line worker with a side order of <\/span>guilt <\/span><\/i>as I don\u2019t work in intensive care or medical emergency care. What is it like for them? Don\u2019t think about it too much, let\u2019s get through today.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Studies published<\/b>: Tiny bit of <\/span>hope<\/span><\/i>, with <\/span>cynicism <\/span><\/i>(how long will this take to roll out? Will we get prioritised as healthcare workers? Shouldn\u2019t the patients come first?) and some <\/span>self-protection<\/span><\/i> (stay safe, this may take a while).<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Approval of the vaccine:<\/b> little more <\/span>hope<\/span><\/i>, balanced by <\/span>self-preservation<\/span><\/i>: please don\u2019t let me get infected when this is getting so real. Numbers are trending upwards..<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Christmas and New Year:<\/b> all I want for Christmas is\u2026to read the research and understand how this particular vaccine works. <\/span>Anger<\/span><\/i> when someone says to a colleague that they shouldn\u2019t get it as they are pregnant: do women not have the option of choice?<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Vaccines arrive in the country: <\/b>little bit more <\/span>hope<\/span><\/i>, with <\/span>doubt<\/span><\/i> (how long will this take to roll out?) and more <\/span>self-protection<\/span><\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  6. Seeing colleagues getting the first doses:<\/b> delight<\/span><\/i> for them (working in intensive care, don\u2019t they deserve every bit of it), <\/span>watching<\/span><\/i> (any sides of a side effect there?), a smidge of <\/span>resentment<\/span><\/i> if I am being <\/span>honest <\/span><\/i>with myself and <\/span>nervousness.<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  7. Getting the email from Human Resources:<\/b> quick, get the appointment now! <\/span>Adrenaline rush<\/span><\/i> as I get that appointment as quickly as possible. <\/span>Nervousness <\/span><\/i>to check if I got the email of acknowledgement. <\/span>Celebration<\/span><\/i> with people virtually \u2013 this is getting real. <\/span>Reflection<\/span><\/i> as we all think \u2013 the end is truly in sight. <\/span>Embarrassment <\/span><\/i>in telling family that I have an appointment: why do I get this and not my 76 year old father? Or 80 year old aunt?<\/span> Surprise<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>amazement <\/span><\/i>at their relief at the news: were they really worried about me?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  8. Vaccine Day minus one:<\/b> the feeling in the hospital is that of <\/span>wonder<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>disbelief<\/span><\/i>. <\/span>Delight<\/span><\/i> as the pharmacist confirms that the vaccines are arriving tomorrow, though they look both <\/span>amazed<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>stressed <\/span><\/i>at the responsibility. Patients are picking up the feeling of <\/span>wonder<\/span><\/i> amongst the staff and asking about it: <\/span>gratification<\/span><\/i> at their <\/span>delight<\/span><\/i>, mixed with a little <\/span>sheepishness <\/span><\/i>that we are getting it, but they get that this also keeps them safe. <\/span>Humility<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>appreciation<\/span><\/i> mixed with a sense of <\/span>unreality.<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  9. Night before:<\/b> this feels like both Christmas Eve as a child and the day before an examination (<\/span>nervous-excited<\/span><\/i>). <\/span>Restrained celebration<\/span><\/i> at home and <\/span>wish to talk<\/span><\/i> to as many people as possible, but not non medics as it doesn\u2019t feel appropriate. <\/span>Checking in<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>reflection <\/span><\/i>with friends to make sure they are not getting side effects one week in: lucky them, that improvement is kicking in now.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  10. 1:45 am on Vaccine Dose 1 Day<\/b>: why am I awake? Logically I know I need to go back to sleep and be on form for today, but I want to jump up and down with <\/span>glee<\/span><\/i>. Check the covid numbers for today, and <\/span>reflect<\/span><\/i> that for every one this is a person with a family and people who care about them and is worried about them; feel slightly <\/span>removed <\/span><\/i>from this, and remind myself that we are not yet out of the woods. Let\u2019s not drop the guard yet: need to hold firm, stay safe, and keep other safe. How can I possibly be so <\/span>lucky<\/span><\/i> as to get to this point without symptoms? Have been so careful, but so have others and they got infected..<\/span><\/li>\n
  11. Vaccine Day<\/b>: need to dress to allow easy access to my left arm. Don\u2019t need to show underwear to my colleagues.<\/span><\/li>\n
  12. Arriving in work<\/b>: just as well I am not down for clinical duties today as really not able to concentrate.<\/span><\/li>\n
  13. First people get vaccinated<\/b>: great to have a photographer as it is an historic day for the hospital, but can we have our turns please? <\/span>Anticipation<\/span><\/i> builds.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  14. Get the vaccine<\/b>: <\/span>grateful appreciation<\/span><\/i> for science.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  15. Wait for 15<\/b> to 30 minutes after<\/b>: no signs of any side effects, want to <\/span>high five<\/span><\/i> people, but settle for elbow bumps and raised eyebrows and winks over our masks.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  16. To tweet or not<\/b>: does the vaccine work if I don\u2019t share it on social media? Am I slightly <\/span>euphoric<\/span><\/i> to be so flippant?<\/span><\/li>\n
  17. Go to park for a couple of minutes: <\/b>the world is a slightly brighter place today. So very, very grateful. <\/span>Thank you Science<\/b>.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Mary Higgins<\/b> is an obstetrician working in Dublin.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

    Competing interests<\/b>: None declared.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

    Twitter: @mairenihuigin<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Mary Higgins reflects on how it feels to receive the covid-19 vaccination […]<\/p>\n

    More…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":421,"featured_media":49295,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18926,236],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mary-higgins","category-nhs"],"yoast_head":"\nThe emotional journey of the covid vaccine recipient - The BMJ<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/2021\/01\/22\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The emotional journey of the covid vaccine recipient - The BMJ\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Mary Higgins reflects on how it feels to receive the covid-19 vaccination [...]More...\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/2021\/01\/22\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The BMJ\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/bmjdotcom\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-01-22T17:49:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-02-01T18:13:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/files\/2020\/12\/coronavirus_vaccine_nhs_PA-57004786.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"540\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"350\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"jross\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@bmj_latest\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@bmj_latest\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"jross\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/2021\\\/01\\\/22\\\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/2021\\\/01\\\/22\\\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"jross\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/766ed77df8a01ae100b1c9a785e4fd19\"},\"headline\":\"The emotional journey of the covid vaccine recipient\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-22T17:49:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-02-01T18:13:11+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/2021\\\/01\\\/22\\\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":839,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/2021\\\/01\\\/22\\\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/files\\\/2020\\\/12\\\/coronavirus_vaccine_nhs_PA-57004786.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Mary Higgins\",\"NHS\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/2021\\\/01\\\/22\\\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/2021\\\/01\\\/22\\\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/blogs.bmj.com\\\/bmj\\\/2021\\\/01\\\/22\\\/the-emotional-journey-of-the-covid-vaccine-recipient\\\/\",\"name\":\"The emotional journey of the covid vaccine recipient - 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