{"id":416,"date":"2008-07-11T14:19:54","date_gmt":"2008-07-11T13:19:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/?p=416"},"modified":"2008-07-11T14:19:54","modified_gmt":"2008-07-11T13:19:54","slug":"anna-donald-funerals-and-hairstyles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/2008\/07\/11\/anna-donald-funerals-and-hairstyles\/","title":{"rendered":"Anna Donald: Funerals and hairstyles"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.bmj.com\/channels\/icons\/anna_donald.jpg\" alt=\"Anna Donald\" width=\"162\" height=\"110\" align=\"left\" \/> Oh dear. I\u2019ve just been to another funeral. The third one this year. Death swirls its big mysterious cloaks around us (what colour? black? rainbow? purple?), sweeping change to all of our lives. At this rate I\u2019m going to outlive everyone. <!--more-->This time it\u2019s the mother of an old boyfriend who was extremely generous to me in my idle youth. She was raised on the wrong side of the tracks in Sydney in the 1940s. She persistently and admirably seized every educational chance to become an inspired teacher \u2013 in the roughest and poshest places &#8211; and then a lawyer, her big dream. She lovingly saw me, like her, as \u2018potential\u2019 to be pushed the extra mile.<\/p>\n<p>It worked. Her and her family\u2019s enthusiastic support (as well as that of my own family) was instrumental in my applying for, and winning a Rhodes Scholarship, despite my desultory sports record and the fact that in 1989 in Australia the Rhodes was still considered a \u2018bloke\u2019s scholarship.\u2019 I played the piano, not Aussie Rules or \u2018thugby.\u2019\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Pat died of cancer, but only after nine great years of life lived to the full. I\u2019ll be delighted with those innings. But that doesn\u2019t make the parting any easier.<\/p>\n<p>Death death death. Yet, for myself, despite all this, I don\u2019t feel it close to hand. The lack-of-hair situation means I can\u2019t forget I\u2019ve got cancer, but I don\u2019t particularly want to forget. I don\u2019t mind having cancer, I just don\u2019t want to die for a long time.<\/p>\n<p>The hair situation. What an almost-comic palaver that\u2019s turning out to be. First I lost my hair, as people do, in the early rounds of chemotherapy, in 2003. I wore headscarves, but didn\u2019t bother much with wigs, as I wanted my own hair back, not somebody else\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>And sure enough, it came back, more or less intact as the doctors promised, when the chemo stopped six months later.<\/p>\n<p>Then, in 2007, I lost it again. Again everyone promised it would come back. It didn\u2019t. Or at least, the thick red stuff didn\u2019t. What emerged was a kind of blonde fluff, like baby hair, only thinner and less cute.<\/p>\n<p>Then I had head radiation, which more or less blasted all of it onto the bathroom floor in little blonde tufts.\u00a0 And I was very bald for a while. I assumed that was that. But now, I\u2019ve got weird patches of hair in different places emerging, including a vivid red patch in the shape of an inverted heart (?!) on the back of my head.<\/p>\n<p>The best solution, of course, is to shave the lot and have a clean head. But I\u2019m curious to see what emerges. Every morning I peer in the mirror at the tiny hairs: so far, red, white, brown and a kind of charcoal.<\/p>\n<p>My mother hates this approach and wants me to shave to make it all neat and tidy and not to look like a mangy dog. But I can always plonk my wig\/beanie\/headscarf to cover up if I have to look respectable. So I\u2019m holding out for a bit longer, just to see what happens.<br \/>\n\u00a0<br \/>\nOne annoying thing about major hair loss is losing your eyebrows, because they frame your face. You don\u2019t notice this until you don\u2019t have them, when your eyes and nose merge with your forehead, which looks very strange.<\/p>\n<p>I still have eyebrows, but they\u2019re white-blonde so you can barely see them. I am becoming increasingly grateful to good make-up, which can do wondrous things to a blotchy, puffy, hairless chemo-affected face. Like create eyebrows.<\/p>\n<p>So far, my eyelashes have hung on for dear life, which is good, because mascara does a lot to distract you from the eyebrow situation.<\/p>\n<p>The other (VERY) annoying thing is that I haven\u2019t lost hair everywhere. Without going into unseemly details, let\u2019s say I\u2019m divided in two. Above midriff, no hair. Below, business as usual. Which means I still shave my legs and mess the bath up and have to clean it. I can\u2019t believe it. What\u2019s so bloody marvellous about my leg hairs that they can survive the barrage without blinking an eyelid? The mysteries of cancer are endless.<\/p>\n<p>There are, however, good things about being bald. When it\u2019s hot, you can \u2018take off your hair\u2019 in a way that hairy people can\u2019t. You don\u2019t get hairs in the soup or any other part of your, or other people\u2019s food.<\/p>\n<p>As a woman at least, you save a small fortune on haircuts, treatments and \u2018products\u2019 (though good wigs aren\u2019t cheap). You can shock small children and shut annoying people up by casually removing your hat and wig. A leering man on a station platform certainly looked startled when I took off my hair.<\/p>\n<p>Children, of course, don\u2019t mind; they\u2019re just curious.\u00a0 I often hear the words \u201cWhy hasn\u2019t that lady got any hair?\u201d drift behind me after I\u2019ve passed children with their parents. I often wonder what kind of explanation the parents give: \u201cthere are people who take drugs for a disease called cancer\u2026\u201d etc.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe they just think I\u2019m a punk. In nice shoes with an upside-down heart on the back of her head.<\/p>\n<p>The other good thing is that I can now join Alan Bennett, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in their brilliant 1960-something, Beyond the Fringe Archbishop-of-Canterbury skit, in saying &#8220;My brother Esau is an hairy man but I am a smooth man.\u201d OK, so I\u2019m a woman, my brother is called Tom, and my legs aren\u2019t completely smooth without a Gillette. But hey. I\u2019m a lot smoother than I was and almost certainly smoother than Esau.<\/p>\n<p>I think perhaps I\u2019d better stop right there before I reveal the true depths of my \u2018daftness\u2019 as my husband, a Northerner, calls it. Have a lovely week.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Oh dear. I\u2019ve just been to another funeral. The third one this year. Death swirls its big mysterious cloaks around us (what colour? black? rainbow? purple?), sweeping change to all [&#8230;]<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"btn btn-secondary understrap-read-more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/2008\/07\/11\/anna-donald-funerals-and-hairstyles\/\">More&#8230;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[197],"tags":[220,251],"class_list":["post-416","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-from-the-other-side","tag-cancer","tag-chemotherapy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Anna Donald: Funerals and hairstyles - The BMJ<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.bmj.com\/bmj\/2008\/07\/11\/anna-donald-funerals-and-hairstyles\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Anna Donald: Funerals and hairstyles - The BMJ\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Oh dear. I\u2019ve just been to another funeral. The third one this year. 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